15 Weeks

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.

Where are the sparkly days of pregnancy? WHERE THEY AT??

Let’s see, I left off at throwing up Cheerios at work. The next day I was just chillin, minding my business at home, and threw up my dinner. Sigh.

This morning when I was getting ready to leave for work I sneezed really hard 4 times in a row. Which triggered my gag reflex. Which triggered me throwing up stomach acid. Which triggered me tinkling a bit on myself while throwing up said stomach acid. Fuck everything.

Still not gaining weight, still not able to eat much. I tried Ensure vanilla and good Hades, that shit was disgusting. I have strawberry in my fridge but I’m afraid to try it.

Any ready-made calorie-full suggestions you guys have, I’ll take. Not snacks, but meal-replacement shakes, etc. Keep in mind I haven’t been able to cook/prepare smoothies on my own so pre-made is what I need right now. Halp.

I don’t know if I mentioned this last time and I’m too lazy to open another tab and check, but I switched from OB to midwives. Same practice, same hospital affiliation, just midwives. My first appointment is the 29th, so I’m excited about that. My birthday is the 25th, on a Friday. I was born on a Friday so it’s an extra awesome long holiday weekend.

I can’t believe I’m almost 16 weeks. When I was trying to conceive, I used to think about the 15-16 week mark specifically. I could never imagine being “that” pregnant. It sounded so….real. Now that I’m here, it STILL doesn’t feel real. I still don’t feel “pregnant” per se, just sick. Like I need an episode of Mystery Diagnosis (shout-out to Discovery Health). Maybe I’ll feel “pregnant” when we find out if Minicorn is a boy or girl? Maybe when I feel Minicorn moving, though I have an anterior placenta which can muffle movement when most other women can feel it, THANKS FOR THAT YOU’RE JUST THE GIFT THAT KEEPS GIVING MINICORN! I kid. <—- See what I did there?

Anyhoo, if you need me I’ll be trying to think of things I can eat without thinking too hard because food makes me sick. K bye.

Dreams

I was going to put this on Tumblr but I eventually want to make a book for Minicorn and Tumblr’s archives are a bitch to search.

Sunday night I had a dream Crabby and I went to Sprinkles to redeem our coupons for free cupcakes (something we actually have in real life). Then, when we got outside, it had gotten dark. Crabby parked really far so we set off. Then, a cat jumped off of a chair (yes, outside. I don’t know.) and ran toward us like it was going to attack us so we ran. Another cat came toward us. Crabby ran ahead to get the car and I was trying to keep up while screaming my face off, terrified.

Dream analysis says if you’re a cat lover, and you’re getting chased/are afraid of the cats in the dreams, the cats represent femininity, power, sexuality, etc. and I could be afraid of that element of myself. What’s more feminine than being pregnant and giving birth? Craaaaaaaaazaaaaaaaay.

The next night I had a dream I gave birth to a girl. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. I just want to document these before I forget about them.

Also, I just threw up for the first time at work. Guess Minicorn doesn’t like Multigrain Cheerios. Thanks for letting me know.  -__-

13-14 Weeks

Last week’s post got away from me! I meant to update after my last check-up on Thursday. Hey guess what?! I hit 14 weeks yesterday which means (if you go by the 42 week pregnancy; 2 weeks past estimated due date) I am now officially for real for real in the 2nd trimester! I am officially 1/3 of the way through pregnancy! Whaaaaaaaaaaat? How did I get here (no Deborah Cox)??

This is so surreal but I am starting to get excited. I started working on a registry with basic things like crib, etc. Shout out to Melissa, Desiree, and Vinny for all their detailed help so far.

The other good news is that I am feeling so much better! No more nausea except if I get really hungry or overeat. The ever-annoying food aversion symptom is still hanging around suppressing my appetite. Hopefully that gets better in the next couple of weeks.

But y’all. The evening after I posted the 12 week blog post. Had a couple of slices of pizza at a work gathering. Went home. Crabby had the idea of grinding my prenatal into a powder and taking it that way because I kept choking/gagging/throwing up when it was whole or even cut into pieces. I had reservations because I could tell the taste was gross and it is a HUGE pill which would mean a fuckton of powder. But I was desperate. So I did it. FATAL MOTHERFUCKING ERROR. As SOON as the powder hit my tongue I had to run to the bathroom to spit it out. Then up came the pizza. And everything else that had even thought about being in my stomach. Mind you, I already had an ulcer/canker sore at the back of my tongue or throat from throwing up so much. Y’all. I threw up SO BADLY my throat was burned to the point of bleeding. My uvula was swollen so that it felt like I was choking on something everytime I swallowed. It hurt like knives to swallow. I couldn’t talk. It was AGONY. I couldn’t go to work that Thursday or Friday.

That weekend I hit up Target and found the gummy prenatals that a blog commenter so thoughtfully AND ANGELICALLY SUGGESTED NO SERIOUSLY THANK YOU. They have been saving my life deliciously EVERY NIGHT SINCE. God bless America.

I’ve only thrown up once since then; Saturday after gagging while brushing my teeth. I had video game hacked THAT even because someone on Twitter said it’s almost imporssible to gag while humming. So I tried that and hadn’t thrown up while brushing my teeth at all. But Saturday I forgot to hum; I was daydreaming about leggings and tunics or something. It wasn’t that bad, just stomach acid and it didn’t even burn. My throat is probably completely scarred over at this point.

BUT I’M FEELING GOOD Y’ALL! The other great news is that the cyst on the umbilical cord has completely resolved….it’s GONE! Yay!

I’ve also lost a bunch of weight. I actually weigh less than I did before I got pregnant O_O The OB didn’t seem concerned though; and friends/family have told me it’s common.

I’m going to switch over to the midwives from this point on (still in the same hospital); I am just waiting for them to call to set up an appointment. 6 more weeks until we find out the sex of Minicorn. I still think boy but man I have been getting some HARDCORE girl signs lately. We’ll see.

12 Weeks

Wheeeeee, I made it! Technically, the 2nd trimester begins at 13 weeks but I’m here! The magical feel-better feeling, you come anytime now! Seriously!!!!

I met with the high-risk doctor today. Minicorn had grown enough to get the measurements, but it would not move into the position the tech wanted for anything. She was jiggling my stomach which made me want to kick her in the throat, and Minicorn was like LOL SO?? I mean, fetus in there just chillaxin, feet up in the air and everything. She finally got her measurement, said everything looked normal, and said they would check the cyst (if it’s still there) at 20 weeks. Now I just wait for my bloodwork results.

Still feeling sick though not all day like it has been. I threw up again last night, which I’m thinking was Minicorn’s slightly assholey way of telling me it doesn’t like ravioli. FINE MINICORN THAT’S WHY I ONLY BOUGHT 1 CAN, DAMN! My vomit count is up to 7. And because you all care, let’s look at some vom stats.

Vom 1: Brushing my teeth in the morning, gag, throw up stomach acid
Vom 2: Cleared my throat in the morning, gag, throw up stomach acid
Voms 3 + 4: Chugged prune juice, projectile vom
Vom 5: Brushing my teeth in the morning, gag, throw up stomach acid
Vom 6: Brushing my teeth in the evening after eating my 1st enjoyable meal in months, decide to go rogue and gargle some mouthwash, choke, gag, vom. RIP beautiful meal.
Vom 7: Just a random GET THIS SHIT OUT OF MY NUTRIENT SYSTEM vom, throwing up Chef Boyardee’s creation.

So I’d say Voms 3, 4, and 6 were my fault. This has been a statistical analysis of voms to date. You’re welcome.

Crabby and I are back on Team Boy now. Just feeling boy energy, along with several friends. Still aways to go but you all need to get 1 boy name and 1 girl name suggestion ready for the Name Reaping (if you haven’t read/seen Hunger Games, do).

It feels good to say I’m 12+ weeks. It truly does. Now I’m hit with how much there is to do in what seems like a really short amount of time. Baby items. Baby shower. Baby registry. Write a will? Life insurance for baby? Regular insurance for baby? Social Security Card for baby? Read on techniques to help me achieve a natural labor? What do I even bring to labor? What do I need to ask the doctor about her philosophy in the hospital? Am I sure I don’t want a midwife? BABY NAAAAAMESSSSS. Baby thangs. I think when I get to the point where I can actually feel Minicorn move, shit might get really real.

Here I am at 12 weeks. Being sick foiled the plans I had to do all those cute week by week photos I had planned, so I’m going to do monthly ones at 12 weeks, 16, and so on.

Even though I’m showing, I have actually lost weight. I really hope my appetite picks up soon; I’m starting to get worried. Starting in the 2nd trimester I’m supposed to be monitoring my weight to make sure I’m gaining around 1 pound a week. For those of you who went through food aversions and low appetite, did it get better? When?

Oh P.S. If you comment and don’t subscribe to comments, do know that I respond to all comments! Sometimes I reply to them all after I publish the newest post. But subscribe to the comments, dammit! I feel like I’m talking to shadows in the wind.

Infertility Awareness Week

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. One thing I love about blogging and social media is so many women are sharing their stories. Whether you are aware of it or not, you likely know someone who has gone through (or is going through) infertility (or know someone who knows someone…etc).

My request to you, if you have never gone through this, is to just be more thoughtful. Think before you ask a woman “When are you having kids” (which is a quite rude and personal question anyway, let alone assuming they want kids). Think before you put up April Fool’s jokes on Facebook saying “I’m pregnant! LOL J/K!!!!” Everyone goes through their own struggle and infertility unfortunately, is still a silent struggle for too many women today.

I try to keep myself pretty open to questions about pregnancy loss and infertility so people don’t feel uncomfortable asking, and maybe women who have gone through it will feel like they don’t have to keep quiet about it (of course if you WANT to, that’s an entirely different thing). Even with my struggles, I am lucky that I was able to eventually conceive without fertility treatments (though there’s still a long road, Minicorn is not yet here), but I appreciate this journey and the things/people it has shown me.

The homegirl Julie wrote an awesome post on her own experience that I think you all should read, so head on over.

11 Weeks

Hayseus. Cristo. This week. Y’all. Lawd. Halp.

The constipation has gotten better (shout out to Colace, oatmeal w/dried apples, strawberries, flaxseed, etc).

So Tuesday was the appointment with the high-risk doctor. I get cozy on the reclining seat thingie, the tech squirts the (pleasantly surprisingly warm!) gel on my abdomen and gets to searching. Now, 2 weeks ago when we saw Minicorn, it was like a little sea otter. Big head, little arm nubs, flipper feet. THIS WEEK? THERE’S A FULL GROWN ASS DEVELOPED ASS BABY IN THERE ZOMGGGG! Feet! Toes! Fingers! Everything! Minicorn is in there straight CHILLAXING like it’s in a hammock, feet and toes stretched out and everything. So the tech tries to get it to move and stretch out some for the measurements.

Minicorn starts bouncing around, flipping over, like it is SOOOOO HARD to get comfortable in the Womb 4 Seasons Hotel. Then it started giving us FACE. I died. It. Served. Us. Face. I can’t. Then it relaxed again and got the hiccups!!!! It’s whole body was moving with the hiccups! The tech said it was a fetal breathing exercise they do. I DIIIIIIIEEEEED!

THEN come to find out, the baby is supposed to be 46 mm or some shit to get the nuchal fold measurement, and it’s only 43 or something so we need to come back next week. The tech said the best time is 12 1/2 weeks and I’m like ummmmm shouldn’t y’all have said that before I made the appointment?? She said sometimes they’re big enough at 11 weeks but more often you need to wait until at least 12. So I was annoyed but pleased because that means we’ll get to see Minicorn again next week! She printed photos and made us a CD and we left.

THEN THE NEXT DAY (Wednesday) I go to the restroom at work and notice I’m bleeding. UNIVERSE DON’T DO ME. DON’T PLAY ME. I may remind you all that April 2011, at just about this exact time of the month, I was losing the last pregnancy. I DON’T NEED THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW. Now, if I hadn’t just seen Minicorn cunting it up in utero the day before, I would have been freaking the fuck out. I was worried, but I tried to relax. So yesterday I go to the doctor because I needed the Rhogam shot (basically because my blood type is negative, I have to get a shot at designated points in the pregnancy or if I bleed, so my blood doesn’t attack the baby who likely has a positive blood type). We couldn’t do an ultrasound because all the techs were gone, so she got out a Doppler to try to find the heartbeat. She said they usually don’t pick up the heartbeat on Doppler til 12 weeks but we’d try.

Silence and whooshing sounds on doppler….then….that lovely fast-thumping sound filled the room. Minicorn is alive! With the same strong heartbeat! Then she did a cervical check, and said she saw no active bleeding and my cervix was closed (by yesterday it was down to dark brown discharge/spotting). With my miscarriage, at the time they did the cervical check, my cervix was closed, but there was active bleeding. So this combined with the heartbeat combined with the fact I’m almost 12 weeks, is very good news. Phew!

So I got the shot (in the hip, fuck you Rhogammmm) and go on about my way. Doctor put me on indefinite pelvic rest (sorry Crabby) and temporary bed rest, which I am currently disobeying as I am typing from my desk today. Before you yell at me, I’m leaving early! And I’m not walking anywhere! Don’t yell! I’ll see how the weekend goes.

Ugh, so that night I really wanted one of my favorite vegan meals: chickpea patties and rice pilaf. I take this as a sign better days are ahead because I haven’t wanted anything in 2 months and I’ve just been eating to survive. In fact, when they weighed me yesterday I had lost 2 pounds from my 9 week appointment. Blah. Alls I know is this better be the sparkliest 2nd trimester that ever gotdamn sparkled. Anyhoo, so my mom cooks up this meal and I fucking Rick Ross it. I am full. Itis full. A little….too full? We get home and I’m feeling like I need to just go to sleep. I choke down my pills and go to brush my teeth. Before I pick up the brush I actually say out loud “Please Jeebus don’t make me lose this beautiful meal.” Can you guess where this is going?

Everything was all fine and dandy til I decided to go rogue and swish some mouthwash around. Gargle-gargle. Spit—RETCH/GAG. Uh-oh. Ok everybody be cool. Sometimes I retch/gag while brushing my teeth and nothing happens. But my stomach is so full. I could actually, physically feel an invisible rope pulling my stomach when I gagged. I called out for Crabby. I mumbled in tongues. Everything is gonna be alright. Let me feel the breeze of the ceiling fan. It’s all good. Crabby and I are standing up and he’s holding me as I sway back and forth. Ok, it’s good. We’re cool. Wait. No we’re not. It’s going to happen. I turn and head back into the bathroom like I’m heading toward my execution chamber. It’s coming. Open the toilet. And there goes my beautiful meal. RIP. Gone too soon. I can only hope Minicorn got some sort of nutrients and taste of it before I lost it. Dah well. I hate everything.

Smells are becoming a bigger factor now. Crabby has an attitude because we can’t use the Shea Moisture body wash and lotion anymore. I can’t stand the smell when once I luxuriated in them. We haven’t bought a new lotion yet so Crabby keeps trying to sneak it then stops when I give him The Look.

I only like tropical/fruity smells right now, so I need to find something I can smell all the time. I also still can’t eat vegetables. I had peas cooked to go with my food last night and I couldn’t eat them. Blah.

But hey I’ll be 12 weeks Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!

10 Weeks

Hi. Fatigue has set in heavy this past week or so. I know for sure I’m not getting enough sleep and I’m trying to fix that.

Last week I threw up for the first and second times. Even though I’ve been nauseated, the vomit festivals were not connected to the nausea at all. Nay, this was due to my gag reflex.

My gag reflex lately

I sleep with the fan on which usually gives me a dry/scratchy mouth/throat in the morning. To rectify this I always drink water as soon as I get up. We were displaced last week due to a power outage so my normal routine had been altered since we were staying with my mom. So I decided to be fancy and clear my throat sans water. Something got caught, I felt my stomach tsunami up and it all went to hell after that.

The 2nd time, I was brushing my teeth and must have gone too far back or the toothpaste traveled to far back….drag me to hell again. Both times were on an empty stomach so it was just stomach acid coming up which is ALWAYS FUN.

Ugh. My nightly pill-taking has turned into a nightmare that I dread every day. My horse-size prenatal was starting to cause me to choke and throw it back up, so Crabby has graciously been cutting it into fours. This still doesn’t quite help as they are rough-textured, so they end up all jagged and stabbing me in the throat and I have to fight my gag reflex to get it down.

I also had a scary bleeding incident but all is well now. *clears throat, shifty eyes* No need to go into that further.

Other than that, minicorn is the size of a lime this week! I can’t believe I am 10 weeks. That sounds so….real. Just a few more weeks to go. Everyone who has kids please tell me it gets better. Yes, just like the Youtube ads about gay bullying. In that same tone. In fact, I order everyone reading with kids to tell me how sparkly their 2nd trimester was after the horrid 1st trimester and how everything is a sparklefest. NOW. If your 2nd trimester wasn’t sparkly….just smile and nod.

My high-risk appointment is next week so we’ll see how that goes. Just tryna survive, day by day.

9 Weeks

Good gravy. Minicorn just won’t give me a gotdamn break over here. So last Thursday and Friday the all-day nausea eased up a bit. I still feel randomly nauseated, but nothing like the all-day hell it has been. My recent re-discoveries of grilled cheese sandwiches and Froot Loops are welcome additions to my limited repertoire of food. I also got my oatmeal life together and that has been a life-saving breakfast (I usually only eat it during cold weather). Oats, dried apple slices, pureed strawberries, and almond milk. Yum.

I’M CONSTIPATED. You wanted to know that, right? K. I keep forgetting to work some flaxseed into my smoothies or oatmeal because I know that would help.

I can’t eat big meals. Very bird-like eating right now. Minicorn is still getting its nutrients though.

So yesterday I went for my first appointment with the OB. Minicorn measured fine, heartbeat was wonderful, everything looked good.

EXCEPT they found a cyst on its umbilical cord right where it enters the baby. Fuck. So now I have to see a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist….or the high-risk doctor if you want to sound more dramatic which I am right now so deal. My high-risk appointment is the 16th.

3 friends have banned me from Google but I gathered a little bit of info before I was banned. If it’s found in the 1st trimester it usually resolves on it’s own (poorer possible prognosis if it’s found in the 2nd trimester). But, it could get too big and cut off the baby’s oxygen supply.

I was prepared for excellent news or horrible news. I don’t quite know what to do with in-between news. Desiree said “Don’t borrow trouble” so I’m going to try to relax. Ha.

I had my first throwing-up episode this morning (yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay) so I didn’t take any belly pictures that certain so-called friends have been bullying me about.

Oh, after this last appointment Crabby and I are now on Team Girl. The heart rate last time was 120, this time it was 179! That’s girl range! And Crabby said something vague like the shape made him think girl….I don’t know. We were both amazed at how much it grew in 2 weeks. 2 weeks ago it was a tiny fruit bat hanging upside down in the sac. Yesterday it looked like a gotdamn baby otter taking up the whole sac! Amazing. Oh, that’s another plus in seeing the high-risk doctor is I get to see minicorn more via ultrasound. Otherwise we wouldn’t have seen it again until 20 weeks. Boo. Yay. Blah.

8 Weeks

2 months. Jeez. I’m here. Blah blah still food aversions blah can’t eat shit blah blah all day queasiness blah blah popsicles blah my pants stay unzipped and unbuttoned blah blah blah tired, naps blah don’t touch my nipples dawg, that shit hurts blah blah blah hiatus from eating vegan blah blah gonna lie down now.

I have an appointment next week (perhaps another scan?) and once I’m out of the 1st trimester I’ll start including photos. I should turn this into a Tumblr.

7 Weeks

Guh lawd. This past week or so has been rough. Food aversions like whoa. I can’t look at food commercials. I can’t read blog posts with food pictures. I have to scroll past a lot of the boards I follow on Pinterest. I can’t even think of certain foods without feeling sick. I have not actually thrown up yet; just general queasiness. Strawberry-banana applesauce was helping, but not so much anymore. Popsicles help. Smoothies help. Multigrain Cheerios help. But for actual meals, I’m screwed. Another 5 weeks of this maybe? Gawd. Why can’t I be one of those sparkly pregnant women who never experience nausea/food aversions? I hate them.

Other than that, things are ok. I’m bloated to all that be damned. Sleeping a lot.

Minicorn is the size of a raspberry this week.

Yesterday, we got to see minicorn just chillin’ in its gestational sac, you know how it rolls. Parlayin and what not. We also saw and heard the heartbeat. That was surreal. There is a little alien on board eating all my snacks, and beating its little heart RIGHT NOW. Cray.

Oh, based on the heart rate I’m going to cast an early vote for BOY. Crabby also told me this morning he has a feeling it’s a boy too. His vote will probably remain constant, mine may be swayed as more symptoms develop and/or if the heart rate changes.

I’m not out of the woods yet. 5 more weeks of soft ground. 5 more weeks before I get excited. 5 more weeks until I can start thinking about the fun part of pregnancy–birth/labor plans, nursery, names, clothes (for me), etc. For now, I’ll just be nomming bland comfort foods and napping.