My existence is a life-long treasure hunt.

11 Weeks

Hayseus. Cristo. This week. Y’all. Lawd. Halp.

The constipation has gotten better (shout out to Colace, oatmeal w/dried apples, strawberries, flaxseed, etc).

So Tuesday was the appointment with the high-risk doctor. I get cozy on the reclining seat thingie, the tech squirts the (pleasantly surprisingly warm!) gel on my abdomen and gets to searching. Now, 2 weeks ago when we saw Minicorn, it was like a little sea otter. Big head, little arm nubs, flipper feet. THIS WEEK? THERE’S A FULL GROWN ASS DEVELOPED ASS BABY IN THERE ZOMGGGG! Feet! Toes! Fingers! Everything! Minicorn is in there straight CHILLAXING like it’s in a hammock, feet and toes stretched out and everything. So the tech tries to get it to move and stretch out some for the measurements.

Minicorn starts bouncing around, flipping over, like it is SOOOOO HARD to get comfortable in the Womb 4 Seasons Hotel. Then it started giving us FACE. I died. It. Served. Us. Face. I can’t. Then it relaxed again and got the hiccups!!!! It’s whole body was moving with the hiccups! The tech said it was a fetal breathing exercise they do. I DIIIIIIIEEEEED!

THEN come to find out, the baby is supposed to be 46 mm or some shit to get the nuchal fold measurement, and it’s only 43 or something so we need to come back next week. The tech said the best time is 12 1/2 weeks and I’m like ummmmm shouldn’t y’all have said that before I made the appointment?? She said sometimes they’re big enough at 11 weeks but more often you need to wait until at least 12. So I was annoyed but pleased because that means we’ll get to see Minicorn again next week! She printed photos and made us a CD and we left.

THEN THE NEXT DAY (Wednesday) I go to the restroom at work and notice I’m bleeding. UNIVERSE DON’T DO ME. DON’T PLAY ME. I may remind you all that April 2011, at just about this exact time of the month, I was losing the last pregnancy. I DON’T NEED THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW. Now, if I hadn’t just seen Minicorn cunting it up in utero the day before, I would have been freaking the fuck out. I was worried, but I tried to relax. So yesterday I go to the doctor because I needed the Rhogam shot (basically because my blood type is negative, I have to get a shot at designated points in the pregnancy or if I bleed, so my blood doesn’t attack the baby who likely has a positive blood type). We couldn’t do an ultrasound because all the techs were gone, so she got out a Doppler to try to find the heartbeat. She said they usually don’t pick up the heartbeat on Doppler til 12 weeks but we’d try.

Silence and whooshing sounds on doppler….then….that lovely fast-thumping sound filled the room. Minicorn is alive! With the same strong heartbeat! Then she did a cervical check, and said she saw no active bleeding and my cervix was closed (by yesterday it was down to dark brown discharge/spotting). With my miscarriage, at the time they did the cervical check, my cervix was closed, but there was active bleeding. So this combined with the heartbeat combined with the fact I’m almost 12 weeks, is very good news. Phew!

So I got the shot (in the hip, fuck you Rhogammmm) and go on about my way. Doctor put me on indefinite pelvic rest (sorry Crabby) and temporary bed rest, which I am currently disobeying as I am typing from my desk today. Before you yell at me, I’m leaving early! And I’m not walking anywhere! Don’t yell! I’ll see how the weekend goes.

Ugh, so that night I really wanted one of my favorite vegan meals: chickpea patties and rice pilaf. I take this as a sign better days are ahead because I haven’t wanted anything in 2 months and I’ve just been eating to survive. In fact, when they weighed me yesterday I had lost 2 pounds from my 9 week appointment. Blah. Alls I know is this better be the sparkliest 2nd trimester that ever gotdamn sparkled. Anyhoo, so my mom cooks up this meal and I fucking Rick Ross it. I am full. Itis full. A little….too full? We get home and I’m feeling like I need to just go to sleep. I choke down my pills and go to brush my teeth. Before I pick up the brush I actually say out loud “Please Jeebus don’t make me lose this beautiful meal.” Can you guess where this is going?

Everything was all fine and dandy til I decided to go rogue and swish some mouthwash around. Gargle-gargle. Spit—RETCH/GAG. Uh-oh. Ok everybody be cool. Sometimes I retch/gag while brushing my teeth and nothing happens. But my stomach is so full. I could actually, physically feel an invisible rope pulling my stomach when I gagged. I called out for Crabby. I mumbled in tongues. Everything is gonna be alright. Let me feel the breeze of the ceiling fan. It’s all good. Crabby and I are standing up and he’s holding me as I sway back and forth. Ok, it’s good. We’re cool. Wait. No we’re not. It’s going to happen. I turn and head back into the bathroom like I’m heading toward my execution chamber. It’s coming. Open the toilet. And there goes my beautiful meal. RIP. Gone too soon. I can only hope Minicorn got some sort of nutrients and taste of it before I lost it. Dah well. I hate everything.

Smells are becoming a bigger factor now. Crabby has an attitude because we can’t use the Shea Moisture body wash and lotion anymore. I can’t stand the smell when once I luxuriated in them. We haven’t bought a new lotion yet so Crabby keeps trying to sneak it then stops when I give him The Look.

I only like tropical/fruity smells right now, so I need to find something I can smell all the time. I also still can’t eat vegetables. I had peas cooked to go with my food last night and I couldn’t eat them. Blah.

But hey I’ll be 12 weeks Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!

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Comments on: "11 Weeks" (8)

  1. I hope you get to the part where you can really enjoy it. Yay for almost 12 weeks!

  2. The alpaca.

    Word, Dixie? Is this how it’s going to be?

    I AM glad that everything is looking well, even after the mild scare. *hugs* But you do realize that your baby is going to be as rachet as you, right?

  3. GO TO BED ASSHOLE

    But also: everything will be ok

    Also “Gone too soon”???? Why

  4. lol! glad everything is okay. 🙂 only you could include suspense, vomiting and utter hilariousness all in the same post!

  5. Happy that everything is okay, and am happy that 12 weeks is around the corner. Hope you’re feeling better soon!

  6. I love your writing! You are HILARIOUS!! I am further convinced it’s a girl now with smells thing. Yay 12 weeks cometh!

  7. voiceforbabies said:

    I’m not great about commenting, but your blog is one of the first ones I go to in my Google Reader, and I love how you write stuff. You are hilarious. (And you’re one of my favorite Pinteresters, too.)

    Glad the bleeding is under control and Minicorn was giving you a little show in there! That’s always super reassuring ❤

  8. Krissy: \O/

    Can’t: Is there a problem with the alpaca? I am soooo not ratchet, but super classy at all times.

    QQ: Bossy! It was a beautiful meal, is all I was saying. I mourned.

    Bridget: Thank you! I figure one day I’ll look back on this and laugh, for now I’m going to fight Minicorn when it comes out.

    dnwible: Thank you so much!

    GP: Yeah the smells thing is diva like whoa, but I’ve been feeling boy energy lately!

    voiceforbabies: Hi!!! Thank you for visiting and thank you for the nice words. Who are you on Pinterest? I want to see your boards. Or do I already know/follow you?

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