My existence is a life-long treasure hunt.

I’m An Aunt

Aunt sounds so stuffy so I’ma go with auntie or as some of us drawlers in the South pronounce it, ain-knee.

Anyhoo, my sister-in-law was due July 3rd. She had a difficult pregnancy with early contractions from 6 months onward, and several painful fibroids all up in the uterus. So June 26th she started having contractions again. She, Crabby, their mom, and I were playing Spades at the time while her boyfriend played Xbox or something. We were used to her contracting but since it was so close to her due date we were definitely side-eyeing her. Every other minute or so one of us would say casually, “You ah-ight? *plays card, collects book*”

At 7:50pm (I knew what time it was because we were about to watch the True Blood premiere and we were all like YOU BET NOT GO INTO LABOR BEFORE TRUE BLOOD) aaaannnd of course she goes into labor right before True Blood.

Sis-in-law: “We need to go to the hospital.”

All of us, getting ready for True Blood:

So we drive her there. Basically, since her doctor was tired of her coming in and out the hospital, she said fuck school that they would be inducing SIL around 2AM. I basically spent the entire night and morning at the hospital. Once she reached 4 1/2 cm dilated, she requested an epidural. They fucked the epidural AWL THE WAY UP. Apparently nobody knew that she had scoliosis until they tried the epidural. They ended up sticking her 5 times, there was blood all in the bed, AND THEN IT DIDN’T FULLY WORK. So hours later they had to RE-DO THE EPIDURAL. Also, the stupid-ass nurse was supposed to give her a catheter when they gave the epidural because um you’re supposed to be numb and can’t walk. She didn’t get the catheter until HOURS later even AFTER SIL told her repeatedly her bladder was full and she had to go. She ended up going to the bathroom herself after which the nurse scolded her saying don’t do that again, that’s dangerous. Bitch…if she would have fallen I bet she would have gotten PIZZAID for that shit.

Anyhoo. SIL pushed the baby on out at 3:23pm Monday June 27th. I took photos and video of the final labor/pushing/birthing stage. I was crunk. Here’s the little marshmallow:

I had a straight emotional breakdown in the car with Crabby on the way home, mouth full of Chick-fil-a fries and all. To go from one extreme, being a new aunt seeing new baby to the other, feeling the full weight of my loss and the fact that I am not pregnant right now was a lot to deal with.

Anyhoo, spending all that time in the hospital made me purse my lips and make mental notes to myself what I don’t want:

1. An epidural
2. SIL was ready to push almost a whole hour before the doctor got there. They made her “hold it” and not push until the doctor got there. Bitch, NAWL. Y’all ain’t finna tell me when and why to push, I’ll be got-damned (the Houston just came all the way out, my bad y’all). If she didn’t have the epidural I doubt she would have been able to “hold it”.
3. The hospital gave SIL the option to go home the next day (Tuesday). They told her she’d be ready to go around 4-5pm after they process all the paperwork. Crabby and I picked them up. Do you know we didn’t get them home until 9pm? They kept stalling talking about paperwork this and paperwork that. That really turned me off. When you’re ready to go, you’re ready to GO and she and the baby were basically being held prisoner.
4. A bunch of other stuff but that’s the main idea from that particular visit.

So I have my very first niece and am looking forward to helping her become awesome.


Comments on: "I’m An Aunt" (5)

  1. awwww! I love birth. I do…I just no longer want TO birth. LOL Congrats ain-knee.

  2. Congrats. Being an auntie is an awesome thing. I’m a pro at it lol. 14 nieces and nephews under my belt lol.

  3. Being an aunt is AWESOME. I have two nieces and two nephews who I would kill for. And when they get on my gotdamn ever loving nerves I can SEND THEM HOME. Congrats!

  4. Aww you’re a new Aunt too!

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