My existence is a life-long treasure hunt.

Witnessing Birth

My cousin and I, only a month apart in age, grew up together. She gave birth to her first child Wednesday, August 18th 2010 at 3:10am. Here is her birth story from my point of view.

B (my cousin) became pregnant in November and had a due date of August 22nd. She was put on bedrest/short term disability around April for having early contractions. Luckily, her cervix was closed and she was able to return to work weeks later without incident. A lot of research indicates first-time mothers will have their babies after their due date but due to the early contractions, most of us figured she would have her baby before her due date.

The Chinese Gender Calendar was correct in “predicting” she would have a boy.

July 27th: She went to the doctor and found out she was 1 cm dilated.
August 3rd: 2 cm dilated.
August 10th: 3 cm dilated.
August 17th: 4 cm dilated; meconium is present.

August 17th, 7:01pm: I get a call from her saying she is headed to the hospital because her water was breaking. At this time she didn’t feel any pain or contractions.
8:53pm: I call her to see if they’re going to keep her there. She says yes, I go to the hospital.
9:45pm: I arrive in her room. She is now 5 cm dilated, and they have started her on Pitocin and given her an epidural even though she hasn’t felt any pain. She says she doesn’t want to feel anything and we laugh at her. They only gave her a light dose of Pitocin since the epidural hadn’t kicked in yet.

I was slightly worried that the pitocin, epidural, and presence of meconium would combine to create an environment ideal for a C-section. However, the fact that she was already 5cm dilated gave me hope that she would have a vaginal birth and easier labor.

Around midnight, August 18, the nurse came in and said B was dilated 6 cm. We were all a little disappointed, as we were hoping to hear at least 7cm but the nurse said she would guess the baby would be born around 3am because her cervix had softened significantly.

Around 2am the nurse checked B again and declared her 8cm dilated. Everyone in the room looked like O_O

Sometime between 2:45 and 3am the nurse declared her 10cm and said “It’s time!” We all started breakdancing, jaggling, wooting, j-setting, and just generally being ignant before everyone except B, her mother, me, and the staff were kicked out.

Reenactment of the Hospital Room

She started pushing. By this time the epidural had worn off a bit so she was able to feel a little bit. She described the contractions as bad menstrual cramps, only worse. The baby was clearly ready to come out because as soon as the nurse pulled her into a sitting position, she felt enormous pressure on her bottom, meaning his head was pushing on her. Meconium spilled out as she sat up. She pushed through some contractions, then the nurse made her stop since the doctor had not yet arrived at the hospital. We could see the baby’s head just chillin, stuck in all types of vaginary. I bet he had an attitude; I know I would have. B couldn’t hold it any longer and pushed him out. I AM HAPPY TO REPORT SHE DID NOT POO DURING LABOR AS SO MANY WOMEN HAVE SHARED. JESUS.

Baby R was born at 3:10am. They suctioned out his nose and throat, just in case any meconium was in there. I watched as they had B push out the placenta, which I can best describe as a blue-purple slightly bloody vagina jellyfish. I had always heard how messy labor is and I’m starting to think that a lot of people are just extremely squeamish. Yes, there was blood. There was meconium. There was fluid. There was goo. But it wasn’t a tidal wave of any of it like you would expect hearing these stories. She had a first-degree tear from pushing and they stitched her up. They did not give her an episiotomy thank goodness.

All in all, she only pushed for about 10 minutes. It would have been less if they hadn’t made her wait for the doctor. Not too painful, as she was on the epidural though she says since it had worn off a little, she was glad she had gotten it because she was starting to feel how it would have been if she would have gone the natural route.

Mommy and baby are doing fine. She is currently at home with him pumping breastmilk and mixing it with formula, tending to his circumcision, and just trying to get him on a routine.

B and R


Comments on: "Witnessing Birth" (20)

  1. the gif tho…did you really have to?

  2. UGH!! Greetings … and rebukings

    The Gif!!!? really!?!?
    and “bloody vagina jellyfish”

    I have nothing good to say to you for reals and for true… except thanks for making me recommit to never having kids

  3. you lost me at “vaginary”

    this is my ghost typing. MJ is here and he says to tell you: “Always choose a white doctor…”

  4. Blahahahaha! The video is killing me softly right now. LOL

    Congrats to your cousin. Thank goodness her birth was smooth and without complications.

  5. LMAO @ the gif and the jellyfish. Glad i didn’t get to see that.


    Ok, congrats to your cousin. =D

    Now for you:

    1 – did you bet someone that you could put “meconium” 28 times in one post? I swear you did.
    2 – i hate your descriptions…and adjectives…and nouns…but that’s the hate that is born of love, anger, and a lot of belly laughter.

  7. LMAO! I hate you and vaginary…and the gif…and vagina jellyfish. I ‘m glad it was only 10 minutes and that mom and baby are healthy. I’m sure you’re helping her with the breast feeding research guru, so remind her to keep it up and don’t give up.

  8. Naw hell nawl, I’m ak: WTH Sissy Nobby video…I hate all negroids after that. Are you really gonna shake your arse and sing Keyshia Cole lyrics in front of a Toys R’ Us?! That’s it, I’m taking FUD and moving to the UK

  9. Kit: Didn’t I?

    QQ: I bet if you ever did get crunked up in the uterus, you’d try to hire a stunt double to experience everything for you

    Jaded: “Always choose a white doctor” *lies down and doesn’t get up ever again*

    Monique: I can’t stop watching! And yes, I’m still surprised it went so smoothly!

    KM: Everyone BUT the mom sees it it seems like. I want to ask her, so did you actually SEE that mug that came out of you after the baby??

    Alicia: YAAASSSS! Girl, the nurse was giving me O_o faces because I was like, “Oh, is that meconium? Is that going to be a problem?”

    Mackie-Pie: Ugh I’m trying but this heffa is ALREADY mixing in formula because as she puts it “You just have to”. Mind you, she is not having any problems with milk coming in, she just thinks you have to supplement. So frustrating.

    I was wondering if I got away with linking the Sissy Nobby video LMAO. Girl, I’m packing my future mini-corn up and going to Holland. We’ll keep in touch.

  10. Nonotthejacket said:

    Congratulations to your cousin and I’m glad you were able to witness the birthing.


    “I watched as they had B push out the placenta, which I can best describe as a blue-purple slightly bloody vagina jellyfish”

    -Ion’t ‘preciate this. Not nan bit. And I am soooo glad I can’t view gifs at work (the picture was enough!!) and missed Sissy Nobby. Sissy Nobby be having you dancing just a small bit in your chair even through the dropped jaw and outrage. I have a job to keep.
    …. Oh is that just me? *crickets*

  11. I mean, look up placenta and tell me I’m lying about my description. I’ll wait. Mm-hmm giiiiirrrrllllll…

    *dying* at you dancing while being outraged at Sissy Nobby

  12. Hey Gem.

    You got me cryin’ ova here!! Your new vocab words slay me. Vaginary? …Vagina jellyfish?.. Girl stop! Lol!

    And my eyes are burnin’ from that damn video. I swear I’m about to look it up right now. 😉

  13. Oh. And congrats to your cousin, B.

  14. LOL only the most colorful descriptions would have done the experience justice! 🙂

  15. That was THE funniest birth story I’ve ever read OMG I’m crying laughing!!!!!!! @”We all started breakdancing, jaggling, wooting, j-setting, and just generally being ignant”, and that video BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  16. Okay, I can’t stop laughing.

    The animated gif killed me.

  17. OMG>. I refuse to ever read this blog again… ::: dying at jaggling in the delivery room ::

  18. GP: Thanks girl, for visiting and commenting! Glad I made you laugh. *serious face* BUT IT WAS ALL TRUE THO.

    Wanna & Slaus: I was cracking up at y’alls double-team assault on Twitter and here. *smooches*

  19. oh. my. gosh! you have me DYING laughing at that video. dude in the purple was getting it!

  20. OKAY? Did you see the look on his face like it wunt nothin’ but a thang?

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