My existence is a life-long treasure hunt.

I’ve been working on a huge paper that I turned in and presented on this past Monday. I plan to present this paper at a regional conference for my field in the spring so I have to edit it and such. Good news is I’m done with all my coursework for my Masters degree; all I have remaining now are thesis hours which I should finish in the spring, YAYSIES!

So I’ll be back to blawging soon. I want to thank everyone who responded to the last post, y’all are just so trill. For realsies, y’all melted my unicorn heart with your tipz and advice. In the meantime and to prove that I have surrounded myself with the finest and choicest selection of ain’t-shit people, my friend/classmate sent me this article for no reason where the writer shared some thoughts on autumn. Here are some excerpts; I bolded the parts that particularly made me wheeze:

IT’S DECORATIVE
GOURD SEASON, MOTHERFUCKERS.

BY COLIN NISSAN

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall.

I may even throw some multi-colored leaves into the mix, all haphazard like a crisp October breeze just blew through and fucked that shit up. Then I’m going to get to work on making a beautiful fucking gourd necklace for myself. People are going to be like, “Aren’t those gourds straining your neck?” And I’m just going to thread another gourd onto my necklace without breaking their gaze and quietly reply, “It’s fall, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.”

Full article here.

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Comments on: "Almost Home-Free and Thoughts on Autumn" (11)

  1. I’m chortling. CHORTLING!!! Do you know when the last time I chortled was?!?! DO YOU??!?!

    Who is responsible for this masterpiece of verbiage? I didn’t want to click the link to find out, but now I’m obligated.

  2. Hilarious. Good way to start my morning

  3. I’ve been wondering where you been yo! Now I know you were doing smart-people stuff….

    That article was hilarious! 🙂 Have a great Thanksgiving!

  4. Can't Take It said:

    Lawd!! *cackling fit to choke* That mess made my afternoon!

  5. OH. MY. GAWD
    so effing funny

  6. I hate you and the train that that article rode in on! Damn shame that I’m laughing this hard!

  7. DECORATIVE MOTHAFUCKING GOURD SEASON???

    it was a wrap for me right there and then

    • Q, for me too you don’t understand. Once I got to the breeze casually fucking shit up, I flatlined.

      I’m glad y’all enjoyed this, it lets me know that there are other upstanding individuals out there.

  8. “all haphazard like a crisp October breeze just blew through and fucked that shit up”

    *SCREAMS* i went and read that nucca’s whole article. the way he’s cunty about the seasons changing is exactly how i feel about bartending. im sensitive about that ish

  9. ali la loca said:

    So funny!

    We just unearthed a lone pumpkin beneath an otherwise fruitless and sad-looking vine in the backyard. Just in time to put it in front of our fireplace for our cocktail party yesterday evening and celebrate the bounty and the one-pumpkin-harvest of f**king fall.

    Love it!

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